This may not be popular. I will preface my writing so that you know in advance that I am not looking for a fight. I am not one of those people. I already have three kidlets, a labrador and a labor intensive bearded dragon to take care of. I don't have a lot of energy to waste and I just wanted to get that straight from the get go. I try to preserve as much of my energy as I can, LOL!
With that said, I have had a few conversations this week regarding challenging behaviors, tantrums, obsessive tendencies, compulsive routines that AS kids are experiencing. I have been navigating the spectrum for eleven years which does not make me an expert but it doesn't leave me a novice either and I have been confused by the response I have seen in other families. Whenever my son began to demonstrate compulsive patterns of behavior, routines that he was becoming confined to, I would come up with a routine that ran counter to his preferred routing. If he wanted to throw a fit because he thought we should ALWAYS turn right out of our driveway and I turned left, I would make sure I then turned left every day for a week to get him out of that pattern... or to help him to not obsess so much about turning right. If he wanted to go through an obsessive routine about lining up stuffed animals before bed in certain positions, I would throw them out of position or start a stuffed animal war with him that ran counter to the obsessive routine...or I would subtly begin hiding a few so the line up would have to change. I have never catered to the obsessive or compulsive tendencies and I think he is better because of it.
This week I have run into two friends, parents of children on the spectrum, who regularly cater to the routines...and I'm not talking about an established night time or morning routine, or a routine to help get organized and pack up for school in the morning. These routines (ONLY two pieces of bacon on his plate...one will set him off into a full melt down as will three or four) have become debilitating for the child and the family and I'm confused as to why they are allowed to continue. Do we cater to the routine to avoid upsetting the child or avoiding the fight? I am not sure what the motivation, I have just been surprised.
To me, the routines seem to be detrimental but that is only my opinion. Perhaps there is something I am missing...some value won by allowing them to continue?
I will say, my son is in regular education, full time with no pull out or resource time and we do not live our lives around any hard and fast compulsions. And, truly, I am not sure if that is because I never tolerated them and always changed up the routine to run counter to their existence or if my son was just wired differently.
No answers here....just philosophy in practice I guess.
If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them :).
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