The Faces in the Village :)

          There are mean people in the village. 
          It surprises me as much as anyone mainly because, after forty years, I don't understand mean people.  I often wonder why mean people exist.  I will freely admit I don't have answers to those questions.  Mean people, especially mean girls, are just crazy mean people.  The unfortunate lesson I've learned is that mean people come in all shapes and sizes, well dressed and not, young and old, as well as high and low money.  Mean people are everywhere.  I used to think it was an isolated high school girl thing but, as an adult, I am finding it doesn't end.  Mean people, for the most part, just keep on stirring up the meanness and the nice people keep on blooming with kindness.  It just is, for whatever reason and I have no idea what makes mean people mean or why they continue.  I have decided there must be something they get out of it though I have not figured out what that is.
          Thankfully, as I discovered this weekend, the happy faces in the village out number the mean ones.
          I took my kids to see Rio on Friday.  It was a great little movie for the whole family (if you have to see animated movies still, it is good wholesome stuff).  And, no, the mean people did not show up and ruin the movie.  This post is actually about the kind villagers who make the world a better place.
          On the drive over to the movies, on an overpass, I saw a man who had gotten off his bicycle and was standing on the sidewalk.  It obviously caught our attention because he was just standing there.  Keep in mind he was not a fancy bicyclist.  No neon colors, no fancy bike, no skin tight lycra short or a shirt with company sponsors covering the chest and sleeves.  He was just a later middle aged guy with a belly wearing a faded yellow shirt, no names on it, and respectably baggy shorts. 
          He was just your average guy. 
          What made him so noticable (besides standing on the overpass) was that he was kicking at the ground.  It took us just a second, we were driving so we had to look quickly, to notice what he was kicking at.
          It was glass.  He was kicking the glass off the sidewalk to clear the path. 
          What I loved was that he cared enough to stop.  In my mind, he was doing his part to keep his village safe for the other bicyclists, the kids walking, the moms with stroller that would get jammed with glass in the wheels and the dogs on walks with their village friends.  I loved that man because he took the time to stop his bike ride and take care of the village.  And it helped me to see that the happy villagers outnumber the mean villagers.  The mean villagers, for some unknown reason, will go on being mean but, thankfully, we have a whole lot of good meaning, happy villagers that will always bring light to the good and help us to forget the others who for, whatever reason, choose meanness. 
          I love my happy, kind hearted, thoughtful villagers and I am thankful the happy villagers stand up and let themselves be seen.  I certainly need to be reminded on occasion :).
           

Lego Crisis...

I have to say I learned something new today.

It's not that we have never lost a crucial Lego piece before...because we have.  Lots of times in fact.  Today though, my oldest son tells me he is missing a piece from the Mindstorm robot we are building.  My question for him is HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED????  He added insult to injury when he informed me he'd been chewing on it.  It's not that he swallowed it...he just took it on a walk in his mouth and lost track of it in the house.  He thought he might have left it in his brother's room but his brother assured him it was NOT there.

Apparently it was MIA.

We set up a Mindstorm Work Zone to avoid just such a mishap.  We cleaned, we organized, we planned, we made sure we were prepared BEFORE anything was touched.  Yes, still...here we are.  Unable to proceed because of one eensy weensy little round circle with a funny edge has come up missing.

Utterly irreplaceable.

So today I did the thing I have never done before.  I broke down and called Lego ready to plead, bargain or pay for what I have lost.  I admitted to the kind and bubbly girl in customer service who answered the phone that we are missing a crucial piece.  I then admitted my further guilt that we probably misplaced it.  I thought she would verbally slap my wrist and chastise me a bit for our irresponsibility.  Surprisingly, she was all sweetness and light.  She admitted that pieces sometimes drift away, escape or grow legs.  She understood the crisis that us Lego friendly parents live with...the pieces unexplainably disappear.  And even though I am sure the piece still lives somewhere in our home, after sending the whole family on a scavenger hunt, it is not apparent where it might be hiding.

So, without any lecture and with such giggles and kindness in her voice...she took my address and promised to send it out right away.  She even took my other son's name down so she could make sure he gets his own Lego magazine :).  I thanked her from the bottom of my heart, over and over.

I do love Lego.  It is amazing what good customer service can feel like.  They are my hero today!  And, because of them, Alpha Rex will soon come to life....after a short rest while we wait for the mailman/lady to visit our mailbox.
Whew...crisis averted!!  Happy mom...Happy boys.

Thoughts and questions about behavior challenges on the spectrum...

This may not be popular.  I will preface my writing so that you know in advance that I am not looking for a fight.  I am not one of those people.  I already have three kidlets, a labrador and a labor intensive bearded dragon to take care of.  I don't have a lot of energy to waste and I just wanted to get that straight from the get go.  I try to preserve as much of my energy as I can, LOL!

With that said, I have had a few conversations this week regarding challenging behaviors, tantrums, obsessive tendencies, compulsive routines that AS kids are experiencing.  I have been navigating the spectrum for eleven years which does not make me an expert but it doesn't leave me a novice either and I have been confused by the response I have seen in other families.  Whenever my son began to demonstrate compulsive patterns of behavior, routines that he was becoming confined to, I would come up with a routine that ran counter to his preferred routing.  If he wanted to throw a fit because he thought we should ALWAYS turn right out of our driveway and I turned left, I would make sure I then turned left every day for a week to get him out of that pattern... or to help him to not obsess so much about turning right.  If he wanted to go through an obsessive routine about lining up stuffed animals before bed in certain positions, I would throw them out of position or start a stuffed animal war with him that ran counter to the obsessive routine...or I would subtly begin hiding a few so the line up would have to change.  I have never catered to the obsessive or compulsive tendencies and I think he is better because of it.

This week I have run into two friends, parents of children on the spectrum, who regularly cater to the routines...and I'm not talking about an established night time or morning routine, or a routine to help get organized and pack up for school in the morning.  These routines (ONLY two pieces of bacon on his plate...one will set him off into a full melt down as will three or four) have become debilitating for the child and the family and I'm confused as to why they are allowed to continue.  Do we cater to the routine to avoid upsetting the child or avoiding the fight?  I am not sure what the motivation, I have just been surprised.

To me, the routines seem to be detrimental but that is only my opinion.  Perhaps there is something I am missing...some value won by allowing them to continue?

I will say, my son is in regular education, full time with no pull out or resource time and we do not live our lives around any hard and fast compulsions.  And, truly, I am not sure if that is because I never tolerated them and always changed up the routine to run counter to their existence or if my son was just wired differently. 
No answers here....just philosophy in practice I guess. 
If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them :).

Lego Mindstorm....the adventure begins!

Our adventure begins...
Today we have opened the box.
Our Lego Mindstorm arrived weeks ago but today is the day when our behavior has EARNED this reward.  It is also nice that it coincides with spring break. That will help mom out a lot.

My oldest son was seven when he got his first real lego.  It was a bit of an accident.  He received Sponge Bob's Bikini Bottom for his birthday and, to mom's big shock (because she thought it too complex), he put it all together in one sitting....with no help from anyone.

I was a little surprised to say the least.

We became a Lego king after that and he went on to put together every lego we could find.  We mastered 200 piece lego sets in a variety of themes from Sponge Bob to Indiana Jones to Star Wars and Toy Story.  We then went on to six hundred piece sets and even the 1170 piece Star Wars Republic Cruiser.  He puts them together in a matter of a few hours and without even getting up from the table.   He also does it alone, with no assistance from anyone.

He is the master.

So, in mom's infinite wisdom, I have moved us to the next level of challenge.  I have bought the Mindstorm.  We have decided to build Alpha Rex....Wish us luck!

Cinnamon Bread Pudding

Cinnamon Bread Pudding

One loaf of cinnamon bread from the bakery...this kind of loaf is usually a little smaller.

1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 stick butter
2 cups milk
2 tsp vanilla

Place slices of cinnamon bread in layers in 9x13 glass baking dish. Melt the butter. Mix together sugar, eggs, butter, milk and vanilla and pour over top of bread. Sprinkle top with extra cinnamon if you like ;).
Bake at 350 degrees for twenty minutes. It won't be done at twenty minutes but keep checking every ten minutes after that. when it is browning (but it will still be jiggly), take it out of the oven. Do NOT turn the oven off :).

1 stick of butter
1 cup of sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla and a dash of almond extract if you like ( I did)

Now melt ANOTHER stick of butter and add it to the 1 cup of sugar, 2 eggs, and vanilla/almond extract. Pour this over the pudding and put BACK into oven. Bake for an additional twenty or thirty minutes or so. Just keep an eye on it and make sure the liquid is soaking in. It will still be a little jiggly but should not be tooooo jiggly when you take it out.
Let cool and bit and ENJOY.

Pumpkin Bread!

Pumpkin Bread from Jules

1 15 ounce can pumpkin puree                  2 tsp baking soda

4 eggs                                                       1 ½ tsp salt

1 cup vegetable oil                               1 tsp ground cinnamon

2/3 cup water                                         1 tsp ground nutmeg

3 cups white sugar                                 ½ tsp ground cloves

3 ½ cups all purpose white flour                   ½ tsp ground ginger

1 cup mini chocolate chips

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees f.  Grease and flour (or spray pam J) three 7x3 inch loaf pans or mini-muffin tins. I make two loaves and a pan of mini muffins.

In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended.  In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger and chocolate chips (optional).  Stir dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just well blended.  Pour into prepared pans or tins.  I also like to sprinkle brown sugar on the top of the loaf before I bake it.  You can also sprinkle nuts.

Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven.  Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.   For mini muffins, bake about ten minutes and then check. 

The Road Less Traveled...

In moments of great stress, here is a thought to keep in the back of your mind...and a lesson it took me a long time to learn!

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Sometimes, taking the path less traveled is not necessarily voluntary.  If you are blessed with a child on the spectrum, it is a given that you will take the road less traveled because the well traveled path has been given to someone else.  What makes your journey into the spectrum different is when you choose to explore, love and nurture the road less traveled.  It may not start out as your chosen comfort zone but, in time and with a go map-less attitude, you will be inspired, motivated, and you will become the trailblazer. 

It is true that Autism, unlike some other diseases or disabilities, has no road map.  There is no timeframe for skillset acquisition or a timeframe for any expectation for skills being acquired.  There are no guarantees that you will meet any of the mile markers.   In my son's day of diagnosis, all four times he was put through the rigors of the evaluation process, we were told very little.  Yes, he needed speech therapy for his severe delay but, other than that, very little was said by doctors.  All you could do is keep working and keep trying.  And, although it can be a difficult road to travel without a map, it can also be a blessing and a blank canvas on which to paint your journey.  NO guarantees and yet no road blocks either.  It is actually a gift to not know what is around the next corner and be able to retain hope and wish and want for the very best.  And, yes..it's true...not everyone gets “very best” but... what if you do?  No road map means…keep working, keep striving, keep dreaming and expecting greatness.   
And, most importantly, set that bar high.  
Because the truth is, you never know with autism.  That is the part the doctors often don't make clear.  Autism is fluid and changing and nothing is in stone.  It has been said with other disabilities that, if you know one, you know them all.  But autism is NOT like that.  If you know one autistic child...well...you know ONE autistic child.  There are no generalities, no paths that are designated.  
With autism, there is only a starting point.  The path, at this point, is not well defined.  It is a wild new frontier and with that comes responsibilities and frustrations.  Will we all do everything right?  Nope, we won't.  But, if you follow your instincts, get involved, and know your child well, you will go in the right direction and your child will thrive.
Don't ever forget in this go-mapless journey, YOU are the expert on your child.  I'll write about growing a backbone in my next post...because if you don't know it yet in this journey, you will soon learn that your backbone is just as important as your instincts :)....and ten times as effective in getting what you need for your child!

Laughing along the spectrum...

Lesson #1…FIND THE HUMOR

            When it comes to autism and this wild and wonderful journey on the spectrum, humor is your friend and best coping skill.  Lots of humor is best if you can find it because the more you can laugh at it all, the better you will feel.  And, you’ll be surprised to find, there truly is a lot of humor in kids as a whole and in the spectrum as well.  Sometimes the thing I am most thankful for are the eyes through which autism lets my son see the world.  Actually, I guess I am most grateful that my son shares his view and thoughts with me!  His view of the world is outstanding, funny and insightful, and I credit much of his view to his navigation of the spectrum.  I think everyone should share his view of life.  The world would be a better place if each and every person had the chance to see life through his eyes. 

            For a boy who is on the Autism Spectrum and who was diagnosed at 2 ½ with a severe speech impairment, today (at eleven) he surprisingly does communicate well and frequently.  His speech patterns may be a bit choppy at times but that does not deter him.  He observes everything and asks more questions than any child, adult or teen that I have ever known.  Questions are asked constantly by him and he is constantly asking for definitions of words he does not know.  During one thirty minute drive running errands through our little town, these are some of the conversations that took place. 

·         “Look, Mom, palm trees like Beverly Hills.  Isn’t that the place where the popular people live?”

·         “Look, those are great those sky rays.” (the lines planes leave behind in the sky)

·         “These hash-browns are so good, Mom.  They come in circles!”

·         “Look at those clouds.  I am impressed.”

·         “What if Godzilla were as tall as that mountain?”

·         Wyatt: “Mom, can I change the music?” 

Mom: “Why?”

Wyatt: “They’re talking about love. It’s gross.”

Life is a funny, funny place….if you let it be!  Instead of always seeing the mountain ahead of you, take a moment to appreciate the landscape too.  Take a glance over on occasions at the wildflowers, the trees and the crazy squirrels scampering around the mountain.  That is how I try to keep my sanity intact.  Luckily my three children were also amateur comediennes in another life.    They offer up a lot of good material if you listen for it.  That is also one of the upsides of having siblings.  Where there is more chaos, there is more humor.

Yesterday my son asked at what age boys get girlfriends.  I told him not until they are seniors in high school or in college.  I told him some boys even wait until after college.  He told me that he’d heard girls lose their cooties at 13.  I told him boys lose their cooties when they are 78.  I told him that at 78, he might want a girlfriend too.  He assured me he would NOT but I reminded him that she might cook and clean and take care of him.  He asked, “Won’t they have new technology in 2060?”  I said maybe and then asked why.  “If they have new technology, a robot will take care of me.”  I laughed so hard at that boy.  Oh my goodness.  He has it all figured out.  At eleven, he still thinks girls are gross and  I kind of like it that way.

A few weeks ago my boys were talking about what they would do when they grow up.  They both decided, at nine and eleven, there will be no girls allowed.  My oldest decided he would go to college, become a herpetologist (reptile scientist) and would live in his own house.  My youngest decided he would live with his older brother.  The youngest then added in that he thought they should both get some trained reptiles for the house that the girls will not like and that way the gross girls will not bother them.  As Mom, I got quite the giggle out of that one and cannot wait to tell them this story before prom or while their girlfriends are over for Thanksgiving.  One of the greatest joys of motherhood is our memory.

Just remember, humor lives in the oddest of places and you have to keep your eyes open to it.  Life is a funny, funny place.

One note of caution, if you are spending time with children like mine, you better bring your “A” game because there will be a test... of everything you have ever learned throughout your entire life!  I was once asked by one of my children’s teacher if there were some nights when it was all I could do to drag myself into bed.  Yep, three spirited children + one single mom+ spectrum = exhaustion.  I had to agree whole heartedly with her when she asked because some days are tremendously exhausting…mentally, verbally and physically!

            Just remember that even though the journey is a challenge, navigating the spectrum can be sprinkled with so much humor and goodness.  Sometimes all you have to do is open yourself up to it and look. I promise if you do, the stress will be a whole lot easier to manage.

Best Snickerdoodles :).

Yes, we bake :).  A lot.  After our red sparkle morning, I made these snickerdoodles for the kids.  I love it when the house smells good when they walk in after school.  Seemed only right to share the recipe along with the story!!

Snickerdoodles :).

1 cup margarine
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 3/4 cups flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3 tablespoons sugar and 3 tsp cinnamon, mixed together in a bowl

Cream together sugar and margarine.  Add eggs and blend well.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, cream of tartar, baking soda and salt together.  Add to creamed mixture and mix well.  Shape dough in one inch balls and roll in the cinnamon mixture.  Place 2 inches apart on an un-greased cookie sheet.  Bake 8-10 minutes at 350 degrees :).
Enjoy! 

A Red Sparkle Morning :)....or......Why life is better with Autism!

Sometimes, it really is all about how you choose to view life and with what perspective you view what is happening.  We had just such a morning in my house yesterday.  A day when it became very clear that how you choose to see the world affects who you are!  A good perspective can truly brighten your day.

Yesterday morning was just a morning and it was like any other morning.  Three kids, one dog and one bearded dragon to wake, feed and situate for the day.  The kids obviously need more care than the dog and the dragon so I started earlier with them.  Our breakfast request for the day was waffles and bacon so I started my morning mixing batter and frying the bacon while kids were still sleeping.

It didn't take long for the smell in the air to bring children to the breakfast counter and by the time I had my first waffle ready, I also had my middle child waiting for a plate.  And, as usual, he put in his regular request for some red juice...it happens to be cran-pomegranate but the flavor is not what makes this story great.

The beauty in my morning came when my middle child, who happens to be my spectrum child as well, unexpectedly spilled his juice across the kitchen counter and onto the breakfast chairs and then splashed down to the white tiled floor.  After apologizing immensely with many rounds of "I'm sorry", he kept eating and I ran for a mop.  At the same time, I started running some hot water knowing I would need something strong to cut through the sticky off the floor.  Waiting for the sink to fill, I nervously began watching the dog who although was trying to clean up the juice was also walking in the middle of the red sticky and spreading her red sticky paws about the floor.  In my "mom" mind, I could see red sticky paw prints almost EVERYWHERE...so I quickly moved the chairs out of the way and turned on more kitchen light so I could better see the sticky.  Just then, as I am quickening my game plan so as to lessen the red sticky about the house, my boy says to me, "Wow, mom, look at the red sparkles on the floor!"  His voice is excited and his face is smiling so I look at where he is pointing and ..sure enough....he is absolutely right.  The floor is colorful and sparkling beautifully with all the red juice on the tile.  If I looked at it through his eyes...it was gorgeous and sparkling in the kitchen light.  What a boy.

In my mom mind, all I saw was red sticky getting ready to travel unkindly around the floors of the house but, my son, my eleven year old wonder, was able to once again show me life through his eyes and open my "mom" eyes to a more beautiful perspective.

Love that boy.  Life truly is about how you choose to see it.  Thanks to him, I am seeing life in a brighter shade of red sparkles :)!

The Beauty of Autism...

I love autism

There...  I said it out loud.   

Some would disagree with me.  I know that and that is ok because the journey into navigating the Autism Spectrum is different for everyone.  Our journey and our navigation has been a life changing trip.  NO, I would not have chosen it in the beginning but please know, with all the honesty I can offer, I would not change one thing.  Well, in total honesty, I will say I wish I were as skilled and as knowledgeable in the beginning as I am now but, we all know, that is not how life and knowledge acquisition work, is it?  Life’s lessons are often hard won and Autism is no different.  Autism was absolutely a hard learned lesson and now it is a gift that I treasure.  The knowledge, the appreciation, the ability to see the big picture and the acknowledgment that this life, lived with journeying the spectrum, is the greatest gift.

First and foremost, I would tell any parent that Autism is not in stone.  Autism, if it is anything, it is fluid.  Ever changing and moving and never predictable at all. What a child is evaluated as being capable of at three or five years of age is not necessarily what they will be deemed capable of at six or ten.  It is ever changing, it will break your heart and it will knock your socks off at times. 

This is what I believe about Autism:

• Autism does not make you a lesser person or decrease your humanity.

• Every person has the right to be welcomed, loved and accepted into our culture for the amazing people they are....we can learn more from them than they from us if we really look and listen to who they are.

• Autism does not need a cure, it needs acceptance and love as do the children who travel its spectrum.

• I am the luckiest person ever

• My son has been a great blessing to me and this life

• Autism can make you happy

• Every child should have access to early intervention therapies

• Every parent should have a handbook and a phone number to call for support at all hours of the day.
• Autism will change you

  

Please know you do not have to agree with me....this is MY journey.  I will not be surprised if you disagree because each journey is different.  This is not an anti doctor or establishment blog.  Not by any means.  Quite the contrary.  Doctors are great, they know a lot about a lot of things and are working hard to know more but, let’s face it…Autism, as we know it today on the spectrum, is truly a fledgling field.  There is much we don’t know and the doctors are scrambling to figure out all they can.  It just takes time and in the meantime, we have to have answers.  Unfortunately, we won’t always have those immediate answers we are in search of and, as parents, we will have to go it alone and learn as we go…just as the doctors are doing.  More importantly, and the thing everyone agrees on, is early intervention is key.